


the feeling of being in motion again

by johnllauren



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, Getting Back Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:15:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24466315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnllauren/pseuds/johnllauren
Summary: For the most part, Juno and Nureyev do an excellent job of avoiding each other. Until they don't.I’m sorry,” Juno says again. He’s looking at Nureyev with desperate eyes.“It’s not your fault, Juno.” Nureyev says softly.Juno shakes his head. “Not about that.” He says. “About… about leaving you.”Nureyev looks at him.“I shouldn’t have left you, I shouldn’t have said nothing and just disappeared, I… Nureyev. I made a mistake, and I shouldn’t have hurt you like that. And it’s okay if you don’t want to forgive me, I get it, I just had to let you know-”
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Comments: 7
Kudos: 108





	the feeling of being in motion again

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in late november/early december and never uploaded it, so if it seems like it was written Very early in s3 thats why, lmao  
> title from "going to georgia" by the mountain goats!

For the most part, Juno and Nureyev have done an excellent job of avoiding each other.

Occasionally they’d find each other eating in the kitchen at the same time, and that entailed awkward small talk until Buddy was convinced they did, in fact, have an amicable relationship, and then one of them would retreat with a tail between their legs. At night, they slept in different rooms, and at least twice each night they would both separately think about the few nights they had spent together. 

Sleep is scarce for people like them. 

Peter was used to lying awake, lying in wait - listening hard for noises that would probably never come, but if they did meant bad fucking news for him. Juno, however exhausted he might spend his days, was plagued every night by things he would never talk about during the day. But the frequency of their activities and the emotional turmoil forced upon him as a result of seeing Nureyev every day was enough to force Juno into sleeping, no matter how much he fought it. So he sleeps, not of his own free will, but because his eyes simply can’t stay open. It’s a fitful sleep, as it always is, but his body craves rest and is at least partially sated.

Nureyev spends his nights walking around the ship, pretending he has freedom and isn’t bound to a contained vessel in the middle of nowhere. He stops in front of Juno’s closed door, as he always does, contemplating if he should go in before he inevitably decides not to and continues walking. 

But tonight, as he’s standing in front of the door, barely even breathing in case Juno is still awake and listening for his presence, he actually hears noise coming from Juno’s room. 

Juno’s screaming, and Peter’s first thought is absolutely sinful (his cheeks flush red as the image of Juno… entertaining himself enters his mind) and he’s about to clear his head and quickly walk away when he notices they aren’t screams of pleasure, they’re screams of _terror._

Without even thinking about the consequences, Peter opens the door.

He doesn’t think at all, really, and realizes belatedly that if someone is attacking Juno he has just walked in alone, unarmed, and in his pajamas. But there’s nobody threatening Juno. Juno is sleeping, but not restfully, tossing and turning in his bed, his screams muffled by the fact that he’s half facing into his pillow. 

“Juno.” Nureyev says. He walks further into the room, leaning over Juno’s bed, carefully reaching out and laying a hand on his arm to wake him -

Juno darts awake, eyes flying open, sitting up instantly, his arm flying behind him to look for a knife that isn’t there anymore (Buddy had told him to stop sleeping with a fucking knife by his bedside, at least when they were on the ship). He screams, and Peter winces unconsciously. 

“ _Juno,_ ” Peter says softly, sitting down on the side of the bed. “It was just a dream, Juno, you’re alright.”

Juno’s still in that terrifying state of half-awareness, where he isn’t sure what is part of his dream and what isn’t. He looks at Peter with wide, scared eyes. 

“Juno, it’s me, it’s Peter Nureyev.” Peter says. 

“ _Nureyev,_ ” Juno breathes, relieved. “Fuck, Nureyev,” he reaches forward for him. 

Peter reaches out, pushing all of his thoughts about Juno and how much he wants to _hold_ him away (for future consideration), and takes Juno in his arms. Juno doesn’t recoil the way he usually does, instead he leans into the touch, wraps his arms around Nureyev and holds on like Nureyev is the only thing holding him to this world. 

“It’s alright, Juno,” Peter says softly, placing a hand on the back of Juno’s neck softly. “I’ve got you, it was just a dream.” 

“I’m sorry,” Juno says, his voice muffled by talking into Peter’s shirt. He sounds unsure of himself, and for a brief moment Peter wonders if he’s crying. He decides that if Juno is crying, he won’t confront it until Juno wants him to know about it, because Juno is most certainly the type to hate crying in public. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” Peter says. He runs his fingers through Juno’s hair idly, and it still feels like it used to, curly and soft. 

Peter fights the urge to let himself fall into everything they used to have, to indulge in the smell that he has thought of for so long, to kiss Juno’s forehead and hands and lips and pretend nothing ever went wrong between them. But he leaves it alone, just gives Juno what he needs (support and care) and doesn’t indulge himself. 

Juno looks up at him. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” he says. He’s crying, tears spilling from his good eye. His other eye is closed, and Peter realizes he hasn’t seen it without the eyepatch covering it. The scar looks grisly. He feels a very sharp sense of regret when he thinks about how he wasn’t there to help Juno through… whatever happened.

“Don’t be sorry, my Juno.” The endearment slips out of his mouth before he can check himself, but he doesn’t mind. It used to calm Juno down. He hopes it does again. “You’ve done nothing wrong.” 

Juno _sobs_ , and Peter holds him closer. He grapples at Peter’s back, searching for support, and Peter provides it. He shifts so Juno is in his lap, still holding onto him, and he can properly hold Juno. He wipes Juno’s tears away gently, but otherwise lets him cry. After a while, Juno begins to shake, but Peter just rubs his back softly, continuing to whisper sweet nothings to him. Juno calms slowly, and eventually he’s still in Peter’s arms but the shaking has stopped and though he’s not sobbing, he’s crying silently. 

“It’s alright, Juno, you’re safe.” Peter says softly, running his hands through Juno’s hair. “Nightmare?”

Juno nods. Peter wipes away more tears. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

He shakes his head.

“Thank you, Nureyev.” Juno says. His voice is still shaky and weak.

“Of course, Juno.” Peter responds. _I would do anything for you._

This is the closest they’ve come to having a conversation, or even in general, since boarding the ship. And it’s… nice. Peter still feels that dull hurt he does whenever he thinks of Juno, but honestly he’s grown used to it, and he’d rather be close to Juno than far away. 

Peter’s voice is so familiar, and the warmth radiating from his body is something Juno has never experienced before or since him. And Peter is so calming. 

“I’m sorry,” Juno says again. He’s looking at Nureyev with desperate eyes.

“It’s not your fault, Juno.” Nureyev says softly.

Juno shakes his head. “Not about that.” He says. “About… about leaving you.”

Nureyev looks at him. 

“I shouldn’t have left you, I shouldn’t have said nothing and just disappeared, I… Nureyev. I made a mistake, and I shouldn’t have hurt you like that. And it’s okay if you don’t want to forgive me, I get it, I just had to let you know-”

“Juno.” Peter cuts him off.

“Nureyev,” Juno responds, and it sounds so much better on his tongue than saying ‘Ransom’ in front of the crew does.

“I forgave you the second it happened.” Peter says, placing his hand on Juno’s jaw, warm and comforting and there. “I could never not forgive you, Juno.”

And if it takes a second for Juno to process all of that and regain the ability to form words, who can blame him? “Oh.” He says. “Nureyev… I… fuck, I… I know this isn’t fair to you, and you probably don’t feel the same way and that’s okay - I don’t want to upset you or stress you out but - I wanted - _want_ nothing more than to stay with you, travel the galaxy, whatever. I still… I still love you, Nureyev, all right? Now interrupt me before I make an absolute fool out of myself.” 

Peter grins. “Oh, Juno.” He says. 

“ _Say_ something, Nureyev,” Juno implores, and it sounds like he’s about to cry again. 

“Juno, I never stopped loving you.” Peter says. “I don’t think I ever could.” 

Juno looks up at him and just blinks, staring at him. Peter doesn’t have anything more to say. He’s said it all. 

“Does that mean…” 

“Yes, I love you, Juno Steel.” Peter says. Juno could probably melt right there in his arms. 

Juno just looks at him, at a loss, afraid to do anything, and Peter extends his other hand, placing it on the back of Juno’s neck. Juno is already facing him, and all it will take is one of them moving forward to unite both of their lips - 

“Is this okay, my Juno?” Peter asks, ever the gentleman. 

Juno nods. He’s at a loss for words. 

And then Peter moves their heads together, and Juno shifts so he’s sitting up properly, and they’re kissing. 

They’ve kissed before, often, but not as much as either would have liked, of course. This kiss is different, though, the result of a long time spent apart, soul-searching on both of their parts, and a very long time longing. It’s gentle, and soft, and Peter’s hand on the back of Juno’s neck is the only thing still tethering him to this earth.

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr: lafayettesass


End file.
